John
Forgive me father for I have sinned
I’ve strayed away so far and I’m not sure
I can reel myself back
Tell me what you’ve done, son.
I don’t even know where to start
You can start wherever you want
Well, I’m going to break my vow tomorrow.
It’s not what I want, I can tell you that much
But my wife, she wants out.
I thought we could make it work
But I must have crossed a line.
Never laid a hand on her
Never hit our children,
or gambled away our belongings
Okay, so what happened?
Well I broke a promise
that much I can admit.
See I was coming home from work
after a long day, you know —
one of those,
and I suppose —
well… I got an urge.
But you have to understand
I’d never done it before then —
well at least not after we got Dylan.
But I was overcome
and I turned down the wrong road
and I really thought it was one and done
Tell me son, what was?
Well I went to see the neighborhood dope fiend
because I knew he’d have some.
Some what?
Some pills,
Oh god forgive me!
But then I started going a lot,
got a really bad habit
and I guess I started acting cold
and she finally called me out.
So when did you stop?
Well that’s the saddest part,
I didn’t.
But I thought I could get away with it.
Don’t get me wrong
I still kept my job,
still showed up to Dylan’s soccer meets,
and loved Penelope.
But I wasn’t much of a dad
or a husband if I’m being real —
just a fraction of a man
and I started blaming the Lord.
Why is that?
I know it’s ironic —
But why would he give me this disease
if he really believed in me?
Why wouldn’t he give me the courage
to preserve my marriage
instead of letting it fall apart?
I’ve always been faithful to the church
and I’ve heard of those psuedo religions
Narcotics Anonymous and all
and they all credit God
yet I still got caught in the storm.
I’m never going to turn my back on Him
But maybe I need more than prayers and hymns.
I need help
And there’s a facility up North.
I just need three or four days
They’ll give me something to stop the shakes.
Are you sure that’s the best way forward?
Well I’m out of options at this point.
Tomorrow we finalize the divorce.
She’s not been cruel, thankfully
And my work granted me extended leave
So at least when I’m healed
I’ll still be able to provide child support.
Is there anything more you need son?
I don’t think so
just wanted to make a confession.
In that case,
Go in peace son,
And should you need any guidance
Open up your Bible and read the
4th chapter of 1st John.
This is the fourth installment in a series of poems called Facility. All about 8 humans beings I met at my first stop on a personal journey. Written from various perspectives of and about the people involved, these are their stories- and they had to be told.
(Names have been changed to protect anonymity)
